


But She's Gone

by ellie_anne



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angry Bellamy, Angst, F/M, Tumblr Prompt, written pre season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:59:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8864683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_anne/pseuds/ellie_anne
Summary: One of the delinquents starts talking smack about Clarke and Bellamy gets pissed





	

The callouses on his hands were getting rougher, starting to crack in some places. He’d have to go see Abby and get something to put on them. It’s just that, ever since Clarke had left he’d thrown himself into work, and more importantly, looking after those delinquents they’d sacrificed everything for. It was the least he could do for her.

 

Not long after the Mount Weather ordeal they’d put Bellamy on the council, he suspected it was because it was the only way to get the kids to listen. He’d heard Abby and Kane talk about it, Octavia had insisted they spy on them and it had been a long talk. Abby argued that they were kids and shouldn’t have to grow up until they had to, that they had been through enough and needed a more stable lifestyle. Kane told her they could never go back to being just kids; he said that they didn’t know everything that went on down here before they arrived, that it could be worse. He told her that they haven’t been kids for a very long time.

 

Kane also told her that after seeing him and Clarke with the delinquents they made it loud and clear - to everyone but Abby apparently - that they were in charge and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. When Bellamy and O had reported all this back to them and they all agreed without hesitation. He even smiled when Miller, who had been standing beside him, clapped him on the back, smiling as he replied, “Damn straight Bellamy. We’d follow you guys anywhere.” It had been four months and ‘you guys’ turned into just ‘you’. 

 

He didn’t talk about her, after that night when he told them what they’d decided he didn’t talk about her again. Bellamy had left out one thing Kane had said, maybe to reassure Abby or make her accept it, but all it did was make Bellamy’s chest tighten and never loosen up again.

 

“Besides, who else is going to speak for them?” Kane’s voice had been rough and he didn’t look at Abby as he continued. “We could have had Clarke on here with us too, because we both know they’re a great team. But she’s gone.”

 

_ But she’s gone. _

 

Bellamy thought about that a lot in the past few months. Something he would hear or think would remind him of it and then -  _ but she’s gone.  _ When the council suggested they go back to Mount Weather to collect supplies Bellamy had been strictly against it. Clarke would  agree with me, he had thought,  _ but she’s gone.  _  Him and Octavia go on a hunting trip and are attacked by a small group of Grounders. They took them down, but not without a fight, and Octavia gets shot in the shoulder. It’s Octavia, so he panics and goes into overprotective mode. Clarke would know what to do -  _ but she’s gone.  _ Sometimes he would be with the delinquents and one of them would say or do something stupid and he would look over to share a fond smile with Clarke. But she was gone, and he didn’t know if she was even coming back.

 

People started to notice, his friends noticed, and no one ever brought her up around him. He was thankful for that, and thankful that they understood and cared enough to do so. 

 

Bellamy clenched his hands into fist, unable to look at his hands anymore, he looked up at the small-ish group around him. Octavia and Lincoln sat beside him, engrossed in each other, and Monty and Jasper sat across from him, he thinks Jasper is daring Monty to eat something disgusting but it had all become muffled to him. Miller sat on his right, silent and steady. He was a great friend, even a great partner, but he wasn’t Clarke. 

 

There were others there too, all chatting loudly as they sipped on Monty’s moonshine and laughed like mad. Bellamy was blocking it all out, having decided to make a trip to the med bay, he was now mentally preparing himself to see Abby. He never forgot what color  _ her  _ eyes were, because he had Abby to remind him, but other things about her were fading. He couldn’t exactly remember what her laugh sounded like anymore, could barely recall the feeling of her hand in his. 

 

But he still remembered what it felt to love her. 

 

It only took three weeks of her absence - which became far more unbearable once he joined the council - for Bellamy to admit to himself that he loved her. He’d never loved anyone but Octavia and it had been hard to get  _ brotherly affection  _ burned out of his mind as love. Because there were things he had remembered about Clarke that didn’t feel brotherly at all, back then it had only confused and frustrated him, now it just ruined him. Because she was gone. 

 

The sound of her name breaks him out of his reverie and Bellamy’s eyes snap to the source. His name is Ronnie, and Bellamy knows from Kane that he’s a real mouthy kid. He just hadn’t realized he was a disrespectful little shit too. 

 

“I mean she said she wouldn’t leave us.” He sounded really angry, talking with his friends who were giving him strange looks, his words slurring. “And she did, like twice. I thought she was looking after us, but no. As soon as things get hard she takes off.” Bellamy’s  nails, what little he had, were tearing wounds into his palms. Every muscle in his body was tense and he was shaking with rage. He was sure that his teeth were going to shatter with the force it took to bite his tongue.  _ Clarke didn’t take off, she just needs time.  _ “She never cared about us, you have to see it.” It sounded like Ronnie was trying to convince his friends, but by the look on their faces Bellamy could tell only a couple were in agreement. “Clarke is nothing but a selfish bitch.”

 

That was it. That was all Bellamy needed to throw himself across the campfire and tackle the younger boy to the ground. His fists ball up in Ronnie’s jacket and he slams his head into the hard ground. “DON’T EVER TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT. DO YOU HEAR ME?!” He’s shouting himself hoarse and when his fist comes back he doesn’t even register it until it’s slamming into Ronnie’s nose with a satisfying crack. “You have  _ no idea _ all the things she’s done for you! Don’t talk about her that way.” Another punch and this one lands on his jaw. “Don’t you get it! She did everything she could.” His hits were landing blindly now, his eyes too blurred to find a target and hit it. It doesn’t last long though because he can feel arms wrapping around him and pulling him away and somehow he knows it’s Lincoln and Miller. It doesn’t take but a few seconds for the fight to leave Bellamy and then he’s dropping to the ground, head falling to his hands. 

 

They both have to go see Abby and it’s a lot sooner than Bellamy wanted. and he’s nowhere near prepared. Ronnie is knocked out cold and Bellamy knows his face will scar, and he feels bad for it. His own hands are bleeding horribly, both from the cuts on his knuckles and his now cracked palms. Abby decided to bandage him up, obviously sensing something else was wrong.

 

She’s wrapping his right hand, both covered in some thick weird smelling salve, when she asks. “Are you going to tell me what the fight was about?”

 

“No.” his answer is curt, his tone gruff. 

 

Abby cocks an eyebrow and tries to catch Bellamy’s eyes but he won’t look at her. He can’t. “Really? Because you look like hell.”

 

_ I feel worse.  _ “It was nothing,” he replies instead, trying to keep his eyes on the work Abby was doing with his hands. “He just stepped out of line.”

 

Abby ties off the gauze and begins on the left hand. “Well usually when someone steps out of line, they’re dealt with by the council. So tell me why you took matters into your own hands.”

 

“I can handle them,” Bellamy grits out, on the defense. He wasn’t sure why, but while he wanted them to be  _ with  _ the camp, he also wanted to keep the delinquents as a separate entity altogether. They were his people. 

 

She sighs, taking Bellamy’s chin in her hand and making him look up at her. His chest, somehow, becomes tighter when he sees those eyes. He didn’t know if it was an exact match anymore, but it was close enough. They’re searching his face, not like a doctor though, more like a mother. “Did he say something about Clarke?”

 

Bellamy sucks in a sharp breath when his hands clench and Abby smooths them out, already knowing the answer. “I just don’t understand why he would think of her like that. Clarke has done everything for them and he just - he -”

 

“Bellamy,” Abby stops him when he starts to get worked up again. “Everyone deals with grief differently. I know you know those kids love her, and they love you.” She’s looking right at him now, her gaze so determined she looks like Clarke more than she ever has. “When someone you love hurts you, sometimes you lash out, and that’s completely understandable. But you can’t let it consume you.” She presses that last part, trying to get through to him, but she can tell that Bellamy isn’t hearing her. After some time she’d come to understand what Clarke’s presence did for Bellamy, and what her absence did  _ to  _ him. 

 

“I just want her to come home.” The words are strangled and his shoulders are shaking just slightly. 

 

“I know, Bellamy, I know.” She reaches out, resting a hand on his shoulder, but is stunned when he shakes it off and lunges forward, arms going around her and holding on tight.

 

Abby is probably the only other person who could even begin to understand how he felt. Because she loved Clarke too. She probably understood all the feelings of resentment and emptiness Clarke had left behind. He didn’t make a sound, but he was sure that Abby felt the the tears soaking her shirt.

 

“I know,” she repeats, “I miss her too.”

  
  
  


Three weeks after Bellamy finally accepted that Clarke won’t come back, she does.

 

He’s standing with Octavia and Kane, discussing some council business when Octavia nudges him slightly, a little stunned herself.  Bellamy looks up to where she’s nodding and sees her. She’s several yards away, her hair a wild mess, caked in mud and blood. As soon as he spots her she’s running and he’s reminded of that day when they finally found each other, but as she nears her running slows until she’s stopped right in front of her.

 

He doesn’t know how to react, because he swears he’s dreaming until she she opens her mouth. “Bellamy,” she sounds breathless.

 

She reaches out for him and Bellamy can’t help but pull away. 

 

He says the first thing he can think of. “You left.” The acid in his tone even burns him. 

 

“I know,” she says slowly. “I’m sorry I left you behind. I won’t ever do it again.”

 

“It’s been a year.” He hissed the words at her. “You’ve been gone a  _ whole year _ and then - you’re here and you just -”

 

Neither one of them seem to notice when Kane and Octavia disappear. “I couldn’t Bellamy,” her tone is pleading, eyes wide and shining. “Every time I saw them… I close my eyes and I see those bodies.”

 

He doesn’t want to but he worries about her, “Still?”

 

Clarke nods slowly, “Still.” Her teeth bite into her bottom lip and her eyes wander. “Every night. It’s better, I can almost sleep through the night now. I buried them.” Bellamy’s eyes shoot to her face and he doesn’t have to ask who she meant. “All of them. I put - I put Maya with ours.”

 

Bellamy swallows hard, that meant she had to carry Maya’s body at least twenty miles. It also meant that at one point she had been close. He can’t stop himself from stepping towards her, but he did stop himself from reaching out for her. “Clarke,” her name comes out broken and he watches as a quick burst of pain flashed across her face. “Why are you back then?”

 

Now she really looked hurt and Bellamy wants to slap himself for being bad with his words once again. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her chin comes up stubbornly, instantly defensive. 

 

“I just - I meant” he takes a deep breath to try and clear his head. “If you’re still having trouble then why did you come back? I would have thought -”

 

“It’s only been a year Bellamy,” her voice is soft.  _ Only,  _ he scoffs. “It’s going to take a lot longer than a year. It’s just, I missed everyone.” She pauses for a long moment and he looks up at her through his lashes, her gaze locked on his. “I missed you.”

 

Bellamy pushes his brows together, “What?”

 

Clarke smiles at him, just a tiny one, but it was enough to make his heart stutter and then stop when she reaches out and takes his hand. They’re rougher than he remembers. “Bellamy, leaving you behind was a mistake, a huge one. I kept -” she draws in a deep, unsteady breath, taking a second before she continued “I felt this hole in my gut, this awful sick feeling, and for a long time I thought it was because of what I - what  _ we  _ did, but then I buried them and I felt a bit at peace with it. I did everything I could to give them a real grave. I found a few names, not many though. But it was still there, and I couldn’t figure out why, until I saw you again.”

 

He starts, hand tightening around hers. “I hadn’t realized how close I had gotten to the camp. I was just walking, not paying attention to my surroundings, and I heard something. I hid in a tree and I  saw you. You were with Octavia and Miller. Then I realized what it was.” She takes a step forward, and he’s enveloped in her scent of sunshine and saltwater. “I needed you. I’ve told you before but I - I’ve always needed you Bellamy.”

 

He’s not sure what to say, his heart hammering in his chest and his palm is sweaty against hers. He missed her too, of course he missed her. Bellamy had missed her every day since she’d left. After eight months Clarke just became a memory. It had become harder and harder to picture her face, but now with her standing right there in front of him it’s hard to imagine he could ever forget someone as beautiful and fierce as she was. Bellamy admired what she had done for the Mountain Men, wished he would have been there to help her, he guessed that explained why her hands are so rough now. She must have done an awful lot of digging. 

 

Deciding that he’d never be able to get the words right, because how could he explain to Clarke how much he loved her and how devoted he was to her, or how he would follow her to the ends of earth. He doesn’t. Instead he goes in, his hands grabbing her face a little tighter than necessary but he had to make sure she was really there before he pressed his lips to her in a desperate hunger. It was hard and hot and when Clarke pulled in a ragged breath, her hands gripping tightly at his shirt, Bellamy took the opportunity to sweep his tongue in and finally get a taste of her.

 

She’s sweeter than he imagined, she tasted of berries and something like syrup, and when her teeth pull on his lip Bellamy makes a noise in the back of his throat he didn’t think he was capable of making. Clarke shifts and her hands move up to his collar, pulling him closer to her, and Bellamy realizes he is no longer the one in control of this kiss. His arms fall around her waist and she’s soft against him, but there’s the slight definition of muscle underneath, silk and steel just like herself. Clarke whispers his name against his lips and her voice is low and husky and does things to Bellamy. 

 

Clarke finally pulls back when she has to take in some much needed air, but she leans her forehead against Bellamy’s, their breaths mingling. “Bellamy,” she says again, a smile, a real one, lighting up her face “I love you.”

 

Bellamy makes the decision to just pick Clarke up and carry her off to his tent, and she can see it all over his face, but suddenly her name echoes through the camp and they can see Abby running for her. Kane must have found her and told her. Clarke runs for her mom too and they crash into each other, clinging to the other desperately. Bellamy comes closer as people begin to crowd around her, mostly the delinquents. As they all took turns hugging her Bellamy caught her eyes and saw her mouth the word ‘later’ to him, he grinned widely at her. 

 

He hoped the promise of later was always there, and that she wouldn’t leave again. If she did though, he’d never make the mistake of not going after her again.  

 


End file.
